Yesterday fulfilled my chaperone calling. This was my eleventh and final trip. A parent asked if this trip was the best yet and I paused, reflecting on the answer. Partly because I’ve retired as school librarian after fifteen years, partly because my dad was in the intensive care unit, recuperating from heart surgery when she asked, and partly because we have sold our San Francisco home and purchased a new home on Orcas Island in the San Juan Islands. I knew there was much going on above and beyond what was going on in England. Each trip is unique, partly because of participants, partly do to venue, and partly because of our ability to find goodness, be resilient, and make connections wherever we may be.
Despite these many pulls, being in and out of the classroom but always functioning as an educator these past 27 years has taught me how to compartmentalize events and pace myself through. Not being a musician, it is a wonder and a joy that humans can produce that type of sound and do it together. I asked Ben how he got everyone to end at the same time and he said that the smaller the movement (with his conducting fingers, my interpretation, not his words)), the more people attend. More times than you would expect, it is the little things that matter most. A small kindness, a touch on someone's shoulder, a smile sustains connection. We know that other things are happening, but right now, we are learning about the ancient Roman baths or about Gothic architecture. Later in the day, we may miss a parent or technology or pizza, but at this moment in time, we are fully given to what is happening right now. Valuable life skill when traveling and when living our lives.
Being a chaperone is frequently the exact opposite of focusing on little things. There are big communications that need to be thought through before being delivered and they need to be delivered in a timely way. No reason to discuss hotel safety until we are ten minutes away from the hotel. Give info about what to put in the backpack twenty minutes before they will arrive in the lobby with their backpack. We are all on a need to know basis. And for boys of this age, in particular, that info, even if needed, can be quickly replaced by more pressing items, such as rubric cube strategies. A group of three older boys were frequently engaged rewriting the text words for the Episcopal hymn (I think it is # 648) Let My People Go with language like,"Oh you, chaperones, let the children go..." When we were sitting at dinner and they were busy rewriting, I asked where they wanted to go and they laughed, but didn't answer. Hmmmm. So you can see there are many pulls...
There is an an appropriate intimacy that comes from spending so much time together in such close proximity. The conversations, if one perseveres, are from the heart and can touch the soul. We learn much about the humans we normally see every day in the halls, in the classrooms, at lunch and during free time. But sitting next to someone on the bus for an hour, or walking though an ancient town two-by-two opens windows into the inner world of a boy. It is one of the greatest joys and privileges of being a chaperone and I cherish those conversations and insights.
When my two grown children were little, I found that one of the perks of parenting was seeing the world through their eyes. The first time my now 30-year old saw bubbles, his delight became my own. And that is true on trips such as this. Boys discovered new worlds that can change who they become in the best of ways. One boy has decided to take up the organ. Another learned he is fascinated by calligraphy. New friendships are formed and small rivalries are lessened because we must find a way to find value with each other. There was homesickness. And there were little arguments about the angle of the coach seat in front of you, especially for choristers with longer legs (but not Calum). I had a number of conversations with boys about needing to step up the kindness. For bigger boys, there were conversations about my trust in their ability to help guide younger choristers, especially if someone was feeling sad or homesick. I appealed to their growing sense of independent self and each one took that conversation to heart through their actions and words. It is what we hope for as parents and certainly on an international trip, far from the familiar comforts and individuals that shape our life.
There are so many small joys. The funny things boys say. At dinner the night we had Indian food, one boy reminded another that you could pick out the good parts. The other remarked, ”I know, I have to do that all the time in my life.” When they are running on some local grassy area, I can forget they are professional musicians. The humming and spontaneous singing that can erupt is a gift and a transformation. The passion/innocence of a chorister in performance is a world that is unknown to me and always a gift.
As I have said at the end of other choir trips, it is a leap of faith to send your child across the world and hope for his safe return. And I promised parents that I would do my very best to return the boys “in the same or better shape.” And I feel I have done that to the best of my ability. Friends ask me why I do this so willingly. How I can leave my world and take care of other peoples’ children without time for myself, with such a huge responsibility? There were so many magical rewards and three outstanding other chaperones. Lee, Chloe and Harrison were everything one could hope for in a chaperone-dedicated, communicative, willing to do whatever was needed whenever it was needed, always an eye towards what was best for the boys. They were quick to step in, frequent with advice and guidance and consistently able to do what we hope for with the boys-find value in what lies ahead and what is happening now. The trip, to a very large extent, in the non-musical ways, was the great success it was, because of their presence, attitude and humor. Ben too, above and beyond his musical direction, lent an air of jovial humor, ease and delight that was pervasive. My admiration for him has been enhanced with great appreciation for the strong foundation he brings to a trip such as this.
I headed back to San Francisco then caught a flight just under two hours later to Portland. My husband and I are staying with friends then heading up to Orcas Island where he has booked us a room at the Rosario Resort until our pods arrive and we begin the next chapter, fitting for a retiring school librarian. If you do it well, you return enriched and enhanced. I hope that is the case for each of the travelers on this Grace Cathedral Choir Trip 2016. Thank you to the staff of Grace Cathedral, to Classical Movements and especially our tour guide Carter who never left a stone unturned and attention to detail inspired daily. To Ben and the men who make music come alive, I am so appreciative To the parents and most especially, the boys, I will cherish this final trip. Thank you for your trust and the opportunity.
-Helen
